God-sized Dreams

When Your Compass Just Spins

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Do you ever stop and question the road your on?

the choice you made?

the steps you took?

When you look for direction and instead of pointing N the needle just spins and you can’t find the right road, what do you do?

I have been overloaded and paralyzed and unsure of the right direction. One moment, I can be sure of a direction and start marching off into the sunset with the beauty of a pastel skyleading the way.  Peaceful and content and certain.  Then the sun goes down, and I wander in the dark.  Still heading in the direction in which I started.

The sunIMAG0211 comes up and I don’t recognize where I am.  I check my compass and there it is…a spinning needle.  I am lost and don’t know which way to go.

Here is where my faith is tested and I become even more unsure than if I had never set off toward that beckoning sunset.  My compass…my internal “feelings”, my family and friends with whom I consult-just spinning.  All pointing in different directions.  No clear answer about where to go.

I know that it is never a good idea to make any changes or decisions when you are in a place of inner (or outer) turmoil.  I know that God has a plan. I just don’t know what it is.  So, I am trying to be patient and not make any decisions until after things settle.  There are events and things to be done outside of my dream this coming week.  A couple of gatherings, some other appointments, and I recognize that I need to clear these things off my plate and off my mind before I can really put my energy toward fixing my compass on Him.

I’m trying hard to be still and know that He is God.  I am trying hard to not panic and search and question.  I am working on growing those muscles of patience and of listening.  And especially that one word that is part of my new year:

TRUST

I will trust that as I am patient and alert and work my way through the next busy week things will become more clear and the path will be illuminated.  My compass will stop spinning.

The hardest thing is to just wait.  To wait, consult, and not make any decisions.  My first urge is to decide, to solve, to move.  Being still is not my strength. Being still is just what I have to do when the way is unclear.

What do you do when you thought you were moving in a specific direction and all of a sudden you don’t know if that direction is right any more?
God-Sized Dreams

How did I get here?

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How DID I get here?

Where is here?  Right here. Right now.  Doing whatever I am doing?

How did you get where you are? Right here. Right now.  Doing whatever it is that you are doing?

It takes some looking back. Some looking around.

It takes an imagination and a memory.

It takes honesty. humility. courage.

It takes a stepping back. a stepping apart from who you are.

So, How did you get here?

It has been a long long road with a ton of twists and turns, tunnels, stops, backing up, going forward, looking ahead, looking behind, looking around.

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Here is where I am.  Seldom do we take the time to assess, truly assess where and who we are right now, and then look back on how we got here.

The more I do that, the more I am absolutely amazed at how far I have actually grown and changed and become more of what I want to be.  When we focus only on the present or the future, we may get discouraged because we aren’t where or what we want to be.  But have you glanced back there?

Have you looked at who and where you were? last year? five years ago? ten? Longer?

I look back and see someone who thought they had it all under control on the outside.  Hurting on the inside.  Someone who had many vices and crutches, wishes and dreams, someone who was scared and desperately wanted everything tied up neatly in a list of how and what to do in order to do life right.

I look back. And the places where I see the most positive growth are either the really hard places when life fell apart and I had no idea how to get one foot in front of the other, but I knew I just needed to keep plodding along.  And those scary places that were partly exciting because they were new paths with no clear end or set of rules.  New beginnings when I felt a call to move in a direction and without having all the answers trustingly took that step forward and waited for a call to take the next step and the next.

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What do these two different types of experiences have in common?

I was not in control!  I was blind and trusting.  I was leaning on my creator as my loving guide.

This God-sized dream has those same qualities so, I am excited to see what God has planned.

 

This is part of the God-Sized Dreaming series.  To see what others are dreaming about, click on the button below.

 
God-Sized Dreams

Who’s got your back?

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Partners in crime?

Support network?

groupies?

girlfriends?

encouragers?

So many names for those who are there for us through thick and thin.  But are they really and truly there?  When things get tough and we get in that dark space, do we reach for them?  If so, which ones?

This morning,  I didn’t believe in a dream and I was in a dark space.  In the past, I have dwelt there, and wallowed there, and pitied myself there.  I may again in the future, but not this time,  who did I instinctively reach for?

Jesus!!

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He is my one and only, true, always there no matter what, got my back support!!  He. Is. It.

It really took me a long time to find Him.  To trust that someone I couldn’t see or hear was really there.  With me always. And that turning to Him actually makes a difference in this here and now life.

At once, He reminded me that He is there! Then He laid His loving hands on my shoulder and told me to look around and he gently spun me around my mind’s room and swept His arm in front of me showing me all those who are there to help me.

First was my main line of cheerleaders!  My boys! Shouting and cheering and loving me!

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Then was my loving wonderful husband who would bend over backwards to support any dream I had.

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Then was my mom, my mother-in-law, My extended family and sisters-in-law…all clapping, or standing silently with the warmth of a loving smile on their faces. None of them live very close, but I know that they love me, pray for me, and think of me. I just wish I had more photos of those beautiful faces to share.

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Then was my girlfriends.  Those women who have made it a commitment to uphold and support each other through all things-no matter what.  I know that they are there for me and will be there even when I am too proud to ask for help.  They have proven that over and over again with each other!

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My fellow blogger, Mandy is among those women and she is on this God-sized dream journey as well.  She is encouraging this journey specifically, and has been a big motivator and source of information and support on this blogging thing.

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Then Jesus turned me back around and held me.  Held me tight as I stood in my bathroom.  All alone smiling and feeling filled up with all the wonderful people He has shown to me.  I glance behind Him and I see other people I know, have known, or have recently met.  Also standing with Him in support of me.  Only through His help can those dark moments be brought to the light so quickly and turned into a loving embrace from Him, through all the wonderful people in my life.

I am blessed!  I have a whole cheering section-and I would bet you do too.

Join all the other dreamers at the link below.

 

God-Sized Dreams

First Steps in God-Sized Dreaming!

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Trust and Joy!

I first thought of this post simply in terms of a checklist. Steps that I have taken in the past week.

But then I reread my first post and it hit me square in the head-Trust and joy.  I was avoiding those words.

Those words….

Those are the biggest part of my God-sized dream-truly they are.

Yes, I have done things this week that get me closer to checking things off of the lists on the pages of that cute journal. Yes, I have made progress that I am happy about.  Yes, I am feeling the effects of my re-commitment to the areas in my life that God first led me to.

But I need to remember I am NOT IN CHARGE of the list.  I must TRUST that He will lead and guide me.  I can feel Him.   I can feel a tug here, a pull there, a whisper of an idea here that just keeps nudging me.  Am I listening to those? Am I following those? Am I trusting that this is the right course and He will lead me to JOY?

So, steps lead to trust and joy in this dream?

I resolved to pray with my kids instead of yell at them.  I tried. Once. The prayer was sort of yelled. And really wasn’t all that kind. Not even sure that can be called a prayer with those characteristics.   I CAN say that it is a step in the right direction though.  It put a hiccup in the usual way of reacting.  It is a step and the next one will be better!  I trust that He will help me to move even closer toward true kindness and prayer.

557I found a 1/2 marathon and printed out a schedule for running.  I haven’t signed up yet and the schedule starts tomorrow.  I have been on this road before and didn’t quite make it.  There are immediate obstacles, but I am still trying to trust in this one.

I have been praying more.  I can feel a change in my interior life. Trusting that He hears.

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I have given of myself more. Simply by listening.  Listening is hard work.  Keeping your attention on someone? it. takes. work.  Real work.  I am working those muscles and it feels good.  Trusting that what I hear from others is more important than what I think I need to say.057

So, there are some steps and there is some trust…but where is the joy?

I am finding that joy comes in the trusting. Knowing that I don’t have to have all the answers or direct all the events of a life. There is joy in that.

Joy comes in the tiny moment. Joy comes in the smallest little detail and the looking from a different way.  Joy comes in the unexpected. Joy is there…you just have to look.  Joy is in the sight of the man holding the almost teen wracked in sobs. Joy comes in the smile of the little one. Joy comes in the “love you” from the biggest one typed across the screen of a computer. Joy comes in the delight of the middle when he catches a little joke between the two of you. Joy comes in the man fighting the dragons that want to consume the peace in the house. Joy comes in the knowing that God is in charge and that He has given us each of these small moments to treasure. Joy comes in planning WITH God. Joy comes in accomplishing that which He has placed before you. When you aren’t slave to the list and allow it to unfold as He guides your day. Joy even comes in the sadness and the heartache of loss.  Joy is still there, with Him.  But you won’t see it if you don’t look. And you MUST look with TRUST to see the JOY in the pain and in the hard.

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You must keep looking.  It won’t come if you are focused on the list as a task master.  It won’t come if you don’t keep your eye on Him!

Allow yourself to trust and to seek joy.

Allow and seek.  Good first steps.

God-Sized Dreams

 

 

 

God-sized dreaming….

IMAG0341Dreams. We all have them.

Some we forget, some we treasure, some are painful, some we just put away for another time, another day.

They seem so far away, so distant, so….other.

And “God-sized” dreams? Who has time for that?!?!

Well….you do!

Join me as I travel this road and series of posts by Holley Gerth

God-Sized Dreams

My God-sized dream:

Well, wait a minute, what does that mean?

It’s simple. Where is God calling you.

And He’s not actually calling me anywhere other than where I am.

My dream is Huge to me, but rather tiny to the world.

I am using this dream time to recommit…recommit to what He has already been calling me to.003It started here, well, it probably started in my heart, but out in the world this is where it began.  Some colored Sharpies and a really cute Journal.  Truly now, who could resist this!!  Not this stationery loving girl!

Lot’s of prayer and talking with my dear sweet husband led to “stuff” getting put on paper….

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Well, that’s a start anyway….then,

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A page for every area that I wanted to recommit to in this bright shiny new year and some fun colorful mindmapping!!

So, I have areas that I want to recommit to.  Areas like: God, Family, Connections, Creativity, …

Now what?

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Now It becomes bite-sized pieces each month.  Here’s my page for January. I use that to make small daily lists tasks to move me toward reaching these goals.

One of the best parts about this is the fun journal and the colorful markers. Did I happen to mention them?

It’s best to make changes in ways that excite and energize you, and if that’s fun paper and markers, then so be it!

And did you happen to notice inside the front cover?

That word?

I’m striving to infuse this whole dream time with That Word.  I miss that word.  I am actually a bit scared to dream joyfully.  Won’t I miss something if everything isn’t perfectly in place and accomplished on time?  Won’t I be doing it wrong? I really need to embrace this word!  Of course the underlying truth behind joy is trust.  Yes, I have to trust God in this and I have to trust the people He has placed in my life.  That too scares me.  So, with excitement about colored markers and a cute journal, I timidly reach forward with trust and embrace joy!

Definitely going to need help with this one.  Good thing He’s got my back.  After all, He gave me the dream in the first place.

So, what’s your God-sized Dream?

God-Sized Dreams